Page 1 of 8 12345 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 77

Thread: Why do people fall for jerks?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Esslingen, Germany
    Posts
    3,906

    Default Why do people fall for jerks?

    Taking the off-topic discussion starting here and transporting it to its own thread.

    Why do women sometimes choose the inconsiderate cheating asshole, get hurt and used, then bend over and ask for more, all the while hoping he will eventually change for the better?

    The thread title says "people" because the opposite (men unable to seperate themselves from a cheating inconsiderate asshole woman) also happens plenty often.

    Al-Khwarizmi said it has to do with self-confidence, or the appearance thereof - that women will actively choose males who appear self-confident, even if it is because they just don't care about anything but their own satisfaction. I think self-confidence, namely the lack of it, can also be the answer to why these same people, when treated in horrible, inexcusable ways, still desperately look for excuses and cling to what they can find. "I don't really deserve better", "I won't find anyone else"... Lack of self-confidence, and fear of being alone.

    I can't offer any particular insight on the topic. I do know, from personal experience, that sometimes loving someone just doesn't seem to be enough.

    To keep this thread from becoming too emo: NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON.
    ADOM Guides - whatever you wanted to know about playing a certain class, but have been afraid to ask!

    Check out my youtube channel to see my ADOM videos, including a completed playthrough of the game. I try to give instructions, so if you want to see some place you haven't been before and get some hints on how to deal with it, this might help! There's also some other games featured there that you might find interesting.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    139

    Default

    I think it's this kind of toxic attraction. People who don't have self confidence, want partners who have plenty. Because they have no self-confidence, they can be easily manipulated.

    Also, never underestimate the power of fear of being alone. I've seen marriages built on that.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    1,649

    Default


    AND the power of love.
    And don't believe that people without self confidence are easily manipulated. It's actually the reverse, the ones who have too much SC cn be manipulated through that trait. It's bloody hard being a friend to non SC people.

    SC= self confident
    Haven't won with : Druid, Priest, Elementalist, Weaponsmith, Ranger, Merchants, farmers, Necromancer,Thief
    Currently trying : Entertaining girlfriend. Very, Very, VERY hard.

    Just a silly online game

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Brasov, Romania
    Posts
    376

    Default

    I've struggled with the same question myself, as to why we tend to like something that's not really good for us. Why we take the good things for granted and begin to appreciate them less (a nice woman who is really kind but seems naive and slightly boring) but at the same time stick around in a relationship where we're not properly appreciated. I think it's because of the extra-excitement, since you never know what can happen the next moment: now you've broken up, tommorow you're back together again and, as the fictional Count of Monte-Cristo once wrote: "Happiness doesn't exist by itself, it's simply the contrast between our previous and our current state."

    Eventually, due to my pastime of reading quotes and all sorts of things about psychology on Wikipedia and the likes, having already got past the obsession with detecting lies told to me via Paul Ekman's system, I encountered this here quote by a guy named Daniel Kahneman:
    I had the most satisfying Eureka experience of my career while attempting to teach flight instructors that praise is more effective than punishment for promoting skill-learning. When I had finished my enthusiastic speech, one of the most seasoned instructors in the audience raised his hand and made his own short speech, which began by conceding that positive reinforcement might be good for the birds, but went on to deny that it was optimal for flight cadets. He said, "On many occasions I have praised flight cadets for clean execution of some aerobatic maneuver, and in general when they try it again, they do worse. On the other hand, I have often screamed at cadets for bad execution, and in general they do better the next time. So please don't tell us that reinforcement works and punishment does not, because the opposite is the case." This was a joyous moment, in which I understood an important truth about the world: because we tend to reward others when they do well and punish them when they do badly, and because there is regression to the mean, it is part of the human condition that we are statistically punished for rewarding others and rewarded for punishing them. I immediately arranged a demonstration in which each participant tossed two coins at a target behind his back, without any feedback. We measured the distances from the target and could see that those who had done best the first time had mostly deteriorated on their second try, and vice versa. But I knew that this demonstration would not undo the effects of lifelong exposure to a perverse contingency.
    This kinda explains both why I'd stay with someone who didn't treat me properly rather than the kind, yet rather boring girl who did. I don't really think she was dim-witted, come to think, just not as flashy and attention-hogging. I really could apply this in many of the contexts described by you guys (and gals, Sadface and Elone ) in the Merchant thread.
    Last edited by Jack the Ripper; 03-11-2010 at 11:37 AM.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    1,649

    Default


    LAUGHED when i saw jack the ripper as a name appearing in that thread.
    I don't agree with your statistical punishment, it's just plain false, got counter example of the cases which i helped, was rewarding for me. Though the second part is statistically true imo
    Haven't won with : Druid, Priest, Elementalist, Weaponsmith, Ranger, Merchants, farmers, Necromancer,Thief
    Currently trying : Entertaining girlfriend. Very, Very, VERY hard.

    Just a silly online game

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Brasov, Romania
    Posts
    376

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Dudley View Post

    LAUGHED when i saw jack the ripper as a name appearing in that thread.
    Yeah, I know my username is rather dubious. Unfortunately, I can't really change it once I've registered with the forums. I found that the statistical thing is true on a larger scale, despite the occasional exception existing.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    1,649

    Default

    I'm maybe lucky then. Or manage to wrinle an advantage of everything. Or both.
    Last edited by Dudley; 03-11-2010 at 12:29 PM.
    Haven't won with : Druid, Priest, Elementalist, Weaponsmith, Ranger, Merchants, farmers, Necromancer,Thief
    Currently trying : Entertaining girlfriend. Very, Very, VERY hard.

    Just a silly online game

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,099

    Default

    Code:
    Why do people fall for jerks?
    People are crazy.
    I said it before, and I'll say it again. If I knew scripture like you, I'd prolly be an athiest too.. -gut

     /l、
    (゚、 。 7  
     l、 ~ヽ   
     じしf_, )ノ

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    1,649

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fazisi View Post
    Code:
    Why do people fall for jerks?
    People are crazy.
    Yeah, that's even a pleonasm
    Haven't won with : Druid, Priest, Elementalist, Weaponsmith, Ranger, Merchants, farmers, Necromancer,Thief
    Currently trying : Entertaining girlfriend. Very, Very, VERY hard.

    Just a silly online game

  10. #10

    Default

    This is simple. Women are attracted to jerks, because it's a sexual thingy. Believe me, sex is far more important to women than men! If you don't have manly qualities it becomes really difficult to get laid.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •