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Captain Platypus
11-05-2009, 01:20 AM
A hurthling monk no mo no less,
Under the sign of raven if I may digress,
Killed a beggar in a shady place
Then hunted down a black druid and smashed in his face.
Went after some little bitch's dog,
Just found its corpse, a couple wands and some grog,
Dipped the former in the latter, one thing leading to another,
Returned a poor baby dragon to his mother.
Mama dragon had some mighty fine bling,
Among other things a certain sapphire ring,
So Boggins used his wand a few more times,
And he was out with that ring feeling pretty fine.
Descended through a dungeon to a town so high,
Killed a stone giant lord who couldn't see he was fly,
Headed down into the caverns of chaos,
Got chill with the gods, Wyrmlance was the payoff.
Headed round town to do a couple tasks
Killed a mummy and a necromancer pretty fast,
Got a medal from some old crone for spreading strife,
Then summoned a djinni and saved a scholar's life.
Some homage to law got a pretty snazzy shirt,
and in a burning building he hit pay dirt.
Big ol' fiery rock got him through a wall
And some geezer liked his ring and didn't bother him at all.
He'd taken on fire, here came air earth and water,
Boggins showed those posers that his kung fu was hotter.
Killin' dragons made Boggins an even better fighter,
A couple towns full of giants and his pack sure wasn't lighter.
Powerful ancient artifacts coming out his ass,
Boggins went to show a quickling whose rhymes had more class.
A chaos archmage he stabbed to death,
The moloch emperor's exploding spleen stopped that old bastard's breath,
Got a pimpin' red trident from the nerd he had rescued
And slew an ugly dragon in a place like stonehenge but skewed.
Stopped to save a unicorn's better half
Enjoyed his reward and went to save the world with a laugh.
Andy went down without even many resources of this hoarder,
Meet Boggins the hurthling monk, Avatar of Order.

Captain Platypus
11-05-2009, 01:24 AM
The following occurred while the emperor moloch was still slightly wounded. Best use of that class power I've ever gotten.
http://i34.tinypic.com/2l9h5ee.png
Also, .flg incoming.

Twinge
11-05-2009, 01:25 AM
A+ would read again

Silfir
11-05-2009, 09:53 AM
Everything in this thread is awesome.

Sometimes I wish I could actually get a decent barehanded monk going.

pblack
11-05-2009, 01:11 PM
really really cool.... killing the emperor moloch with monk's class power rules =P

and the rap is not bad at all haha

Dudley
11-05-2009, 01:51 PM
Did he really kill him WITH the power, or is there a bug that allows the power to work after killing the guy? He seemed to slay it, then do the power.
But i may be wrong.

Captain Platypus
11-05-2009, 08:34 PM
I didn't really get a chance to work it into the rap, unfortunately, but I was not a barehanded monk. As the flg indicates, I used mostly polearms (rune-covered trident and wyrmlance for dragons, and then the TotRR once I got it) even after I got Skullcrusher in the blue dragon caves. I didn't even know the class power COULD activate when armed until this game; my previous monks have either never gotten it, or I've never noticed it. And yes, Dudley, I killed him with the power; that's the message you get, and he was still at lightly wounded and most of my full force hits were either doing no damage or not much. I was seriously considering switching to a phase dagger right before that happened.

gut
11-06-2009, 09:42 AM
I stopped reading after the tiny girl was refered to
as a bitch. Yes, I make posts about molesting her,
killing her, and wishing to wield her corpse as a
weapon. I do that with nearly every other Ancardian
inhabitant as well though, so it's OK. Calling her a
bitch is just wrong though, and you should be
ashamed!

Captain Platypus
11-06-2009, 10:22 AM
I stopped reading after the tiny girl was refered to
as a bitch. Yes, I make posts about molesting her,
killing her, and wishing to wield her corpse as a
weapon. I do that with nearly every other Ancardian
inhabitant as well though, so it's OK. Calling her a
bitch is just wrong though, and you should be
ashamed!
Oh man, the cute dog corpse never rots! Time to go play a dark elf barbarian and bludgeon her to death with the body of her own pet.

Dudley
11-07-2009, 06:59 AM
How the hell did you generate so much artifacts, why don't you have your mastercat ring on, why don't you have preserver on???

Captain Platypus
11-07-2009, 07:55 AM
How the hell did you generate so much artifacts, why don't you have your mastercat ring on, why don't you have preserver on???Artifacts were pure blind luck (Preserver was pickpocketed, Wyrmlance was a precrown, ring of immunity was mama dragon, everything else was random), but I only found about half of them. I'm only really unhappy about missing the Hammer of the Gods and Serpent's Bite.

No ring of the master cat was a suggestion from Twinge and sorear in IRC, I believe ; they suggested that the extra damage would be more useful against Andy, and either they were right or it didn't matter.

Preserver was off because I needed to be sure I knew where Andy was more than I needed extra regen (hell, just look at my ending hit points without it) or willpower. It was on for most of the game, but since I never found an everburning torch and I'm paranoid about using consumables when I don't have to (yes, even in the final boss fight, shut up) I was in the habit of taking Preserver off for an amulet of light when there was a monster around that cast Darkness. I think the only artifact I never stopped using once I got it was Ironfist - there's literally nothing else in the same league.

Dudley
11-07-2009, 02:24 PM
I did the puppy thing.
first , manage to get the puppy living.
then kill it.
then chat to the tiny girl.
Tell her the truth about your vile deed.
Enjoy killing her in one hit...with her little thingie's corpse.

Dudley
11-07-2009, 02:26 PM
Oh, and this causes a huge alignment drop.And gives cursing

DumbleDoor
11-07-2009, 03:47 PM
I stopped reading after the tiny girl was refered to
as a bitch. Yes, I make posts about molesting her,
killing her, and wishing to wield her corpse as a
weapon. I do that with nearly every other Ancardian
inhabitant as well though, so it's OK. Calling her a
bitch is just wrong though, and you should be
ashamed!

You talk to molest, the female dwarven child. Molest, the female dwarven child, grunts: "Me wanna sugar, please?"

That happened by accident, except for the naming molest part.

Grey
11-08-2009, 04:07 PM
That was quit possibly the best rap ever.

Captain Platypus
11-08-2009, 04:17 PM
I thought about just plagiarizing Prince of Belair, but Twinge mocked me on IRC for it. I'm glad you appreciate my incredibly well-written beats.