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Thread: Dramatized write up of current PC/Strong language/Funny

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2016

    Thumbs up Dramatized write up of current PC/Strong language/Funny

    Mina confidently rushed back into the common grounds of the dungeon Arena after several weeks away in the wilderness. Locating her Ratling foodie friend was looking difficult with all the bustling activity around the fighting area. A black wizard was animating wicked looking skeleton warriors from the rocky ground they were all standing on, and a werewolf lord howled, screamed and snarled giant, menacing dire wolves from seemingly out of the shadows of the stony walls. The undead warriors and dire wolves clashed as Mina zipped quickly by, searching for her Ratling trader friend.

    The Ratling "Munchhawkers", as they liked to be called, were all on an individual no-name basis. They all wore the same outfit and they all looked rather similar. This allowed them to function both as an organized trading cell and a para-militia if something were to go horribly wrong. Like the time when the Arena master forgot to dispose of the Death Oozes properly during the cleanup from Dwarftoberfest. That morning, after Dwarftoberfest finished, was a great, shameful ordeal, and it was especially hard because everyone was hungover from Thrundarr's private mead collection which he donated for that great weekend celebration.

    The Munchhawker's signature blue cloaks sparkle elegantly in the phosphorescent mushroomlight of the giant, underground, cavernous entertainment venue. The Munchhawkers soak their cloaks in a closely guarded mixture of ochre jelly slime, cave fisher webs, and stomaceptia herbs grown in the rooms below the graveyard with the sticky floors... Then they sprinkle the cloaks with ground up Diamond Golem dust. The Arena staff are not shy to show how wealthy they are. Mina's Helm of the Night Watchman shone its bright, magical light off the cloaks making them look even more brilliant.

    Mina finally found her hawker friend of fried lizard. She readjusted her girdle of giant strength and forcefully clutched her flaming, red stress-ball in her thick gauntlets. When she did, a small burst of heat and wind whooshed out in all directions. Mina asked the Ratling heartily "If ya give me a discount, I'll cook them myself with this thing, hah!". Pocketing her fiery ChAoS orb in a front belt pouch, Mina slung down her ginormous fucking backpack onto the ground where it made an audible *THUMB* through the football field sized cavern.

    The unnamed Ratling chuckled and snickered with his hand over his mouth for a couple seconds, and then gathered himself. "Lemme guess, Ms. Mina.. Would ye like to buy some cooked lizard today?" he asked with a sarcastically relaxed grin and a raised eyebrow. "You bet big guy! Fill er' up! I got room for somethin' like 2754 today!" Mina replied with friendly, steady, but urgent, prosody. Mina was hungry. She hastily slammed down her backpack's open end right in front of the hawker. The open end was like a giant maw of organized space waiting for a delivery. It had enough room for about 3 cords of firewood. Shaking his head a few times with another short laugh, the Ratling's expression then became an uncertain glare. He held his stare at Mina for several seconds to establish some urgency and said "Mina, listen, I knowz youss been ere a few weekss ago fir dat large order, but tings've changed real quick around here in a very sshort time. I've but 10 left!"

    "What!? That's ridiculous! You guys are one of the wealthiest and well supplied places around here! You must have more than that! I DEMAND all the rest of the food you have right now! You've got to have at least 100! Right!?" Mina shouted, irritated and annoyed. The Ratling shrugged and calmly replied "I'm sorry, but tis' the truth, m' lady. Drakalor supply chainss r' necked right now cuz of de ChAoS-19 plague, de mandated ChAoS-19 Passports n' de policies dat de ChAoS Gods have forced onto de people! We're tryin' to get de food; in fact we have de food; it'ss just not here yet cuz everytin'ss sslowed right down and it'ss sstuck in de chain. Even right now, in our own supply line, a large amunt o' Ratlings are walkin' off de job because we dun wanna take de ChAoSinoculations. Dey say it'z de best, brand new potion o' Lonjevty you kin get, but iz really just potions o' Raw ChAoS ye know. Dun ever put dat into yer body; raw chaos has very bad, unstable effects when introduced to somehtin. EY, last time I got real, rippin' drunk we were havin' a grand ol' time when me mate, Duppy, said 'Ey let's have soem REAL fun, boys!' and he whipped out a potion o Raw ChAoS. 'Oy, dats not cheap! Where'd ya get dat ting?' asked anudder mate o mine. 'Barnabas!' Duppy shot back at 'im while laughin' hard. He took off his ring on his paw and shouted "Dey say say you can turn one thing into another if ye dip it into one o' these things er! I say it's time to finally let me wife go, and get me a hot, Dijinni babe!! Let's get a fuckin' wish!!' So he dipped his wedding ring into de potion... And.. I'll never forget it.. The heat.. The burning.. De smell... Aye.. Like I said.. All me mates 'cept me were huddled around to watch what he was doin'.. I was waterin' a tree while dat was goin on.. .... ... Dey all died from de blast.. ... ..And nowadays der all lined up to get dat put in yer body!? Really?? How can everyone not realize what's really goin' on?? De ChAoS Gods wanna turn us all into writing masses o' primal ChAoS wit tentacle mouths, which makes us much easier to control, dats what! If I were you, I'd talk to da Ratling Rebel. He -really- knows what's goin' on to a very good degree. He gives away free pamphlets ye know."

    Mina nodded continuously and maintained eye contact through the Ratling's topic. "Aye, I know what ya mean.. It's getting pretty bad down under where I've been.. There are so many ChAoSinoculated below the Animated Forest that I can feel it in my bronze bones.. Some are so corrupted that it's almost like they're -emitting- ChAoS to others! I can feel it through the walls and in the air I breathe... I've seen enough to know that they are trying to corrupt the entire world!! Listen, I think you guys have some important decisions to make very soon. There might not be as many beings around in the next few months because those that took the ChAoSinoculation will eventually turn into masses of ChAoS and won't be wanting to buy food anymore if you know what I'm getting at.. They will just surround and eat you guys until you have no better option but to accept what they want, and they will try to kill off anyone else left who resists!! Why should you sell stuff to the ChAoSinoculated when they will just turn on you eventually and try to destroy what you worked your whole life for!? Money ain't gonna save us! Save your products for the hard times ahead and trade within the Corruption Resistance!" Mina postulated emphatically.

    The Ratling nodded while scratching his chin with thoughtfulness. Replying, he said "Yess, it's like there's these evil ChAoSs Mindcrafterss who are using a giant confusion wave on the massess and hypnotissing them.. They just can't seem to think critically and open their minds to different possibilitiess.. Maybe things were really bad before this ChAoS was introduced into the land, and when the evil bards of ChAoS propagated that ChAoS it made everyone want to fight each other just for something to do! It's like everyone became intoxicated and started to behave erratically! I feel people have been locked down too much from the ChAoS quarantines that they have all this pent up frustration of not being able to go out and live freely and normally! Maybe if we likeminded non-corrupted band together and create a parallel society, we can show the corrupted that you can be healed if you live with us while renouncing your evil ways and live with love, compassion, reverence and respect for life..."

    Mina, stunned and surprised by the eloquent, philosophic response of the Ratling trader, asked "Hey.. You didn't just take a swig from a potion of Insight while I blinked, did you? Any left? C'moooonnnn! I know you have one!"

    "It's cursed. You sure you wanna shot?" sneered the Ratling, finishing a gulp and flourishing the now visible flask from behind his linen mask.

    Mina gave a grin and a low, Dwarvish, heaving, grunting laugh of her own, looked down at the ground, flung off her thick gauntlets, and fondled her oceanic, intense, deep blue sapphire necklace with her hairy, poison soaked sausage fingers.. She then removed her glowing helm, showing her face, taking off her necklace and holding each in her respective hands outwards and said "Tell you what, bub... I'll give you this necklace, Preserver, and my Helm of the Night Watchman, right here, right now.. I'll give these to you right now.. if you take off your mask, throw it on the ground, spit on it, kick it and step on it like it's the thing you hate the most in your life, yell for all to hear 'I FUCKIN' HATE MASKS! FUCK EM!!!', never take your words back and never put any mask on EVER AGAIN."

    "Wow.. Well now.. It seems yer serioussss.." replied the Ratling softly with intrigue. Several silent, intense seconds pass as the Ratling considers Mina's offer with her small house sized backpack still laying there open for business... Then a strong, cavernous breeze started flowing through the Arena halls bringing up reverberations and vibrant moans akin to a certain graveyard filled with the stench of death and decay.. Mina snaps her eyes to her 10 o'cklock as a humanoid, skeletal figure instantly materializes a step away from both her and the Ratling. It has an unnaturally tall, bulky, boned skeletal figure with charcoal-like matter caked on to its exterior. It wears a black robe with red, pulsating runes and grips a glowing rod in its right hand. Resting on its skull is a crown befitting an emperor...

    "We'll talk later." Mina winked to the Ratling, donned her necklace and helm, pounded her two fists together and said to the Lich "Long time no see! Give me a hug!"
    Last edited by LyallCHCR; 10-17-2021 at 02:48 AM.
    You pick up the giant rat corpse.
    Your giant rat corpse slowly rots away!
    You begin to consume the giant rat corpse (rotten)
    Your looks improve!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2014


    LOL, love the specific numbers bit from the cooked lizard ratling, not sure about the safety of politics on any forum. In fact most forums ban such talk - not sure if this one does or not.

    The bit about living with love and compassion, made me think of the religious faith healers trying to pray sickness away, no comments on that either way just what it made me think of.

    I think you have a real talent for storytelling though, a bit over saturated on details, but there's not really anything wrong with that, especially in a bar/fight scene

    "you are the only cactus in the garden of my life" Gomez - Adams Family

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